The new painting is about Time

I was trying to just paint a straight up pretty landscape type painting for once and JUST...couldn't do it. The painting is about a moment in time and the associated emotion felt at that moment, but it wasn't really working, and so it is now semi destroyed. Sometimes I like to figuratively burn my paintings to the ground and build them back up again. The noise it produces now is not burning flames but a clank like gears and time passing. It is large and is sort of taking forever.

Meanwhile on Facebook, its trying to sell me a t-shirt that says 50 is the new 30. I am almost there and can report that it is not. Well only if you are a moron. A lot has happened in the last 20 years. I feel like I have lots to say about it too. As I watch #1 daughter grow I gain in understanding. As I watch myself changing and becoming, I can see the gears moving, that had remained invisible for so long.

Husband is spooked by some show on Fox, Sunday night, leading to a discussion on whether the devil exists. Esoteric reading suggests that this is in fact the case. That the devil, symbolized by the black cube and the planet Saturn is in charge of Time. Which is why evil doers seem to go on and on and never pay for their crimes. Karma is the law of the universe, but since Saturn spins the wheels and gears, it exerts its own control over things. Saturn is also known by the name Chronos, the guy with the long white beard from Greek mythology who devoured his own children. Lots of artists have done some ugly sad bloody paintings of this guy over the years, but not me. Saturn in my paintings only appears as a clock face, or a planet, which is quite beautiful in it's deadly non-life supporting way. What with its poison gas atmosphere and 1000+ mile per hour winds. See if you can spot him in my last painting...

#1 daughter drew this new picture for me in pencil and I inked it. Its Sobek and Horus.

 The fight between the Sun and Saturn keeps asserting itself into my consciousness for some reason-- Kaypacha the astrologer was transmitting from the Kom Ombo temple, the temple of Sobek (Saturn) and Horus. He said there are many stone carvings representing  the rivalry between Sobek the crocodile- headed god of the Nile, and Horus the hawk-headed sky god. In his cosmology Horus represents Jupiter, The ruler of Sagittarius, meaning festive, jovial, abundance,expansion. I always picture him as the ghost of Christmas present from Dicken's A Christmas Carol. I have also heard Horus represents the Sun so it gets a little confusing.  I've mostly heard him referred to as a Christ-like Sun God. When looking at these ancient mythologies you have to consciously set aside your 21st century eyes, and try to grok concepts such as the ancient Egyptian's keeping crocodiles in jeweled pools to worship. The Egyptian Gods are confusing and shift around a lot to my eyes. In this quote, blogger David Mathisen compares Osiris as Saturn to Horus as Christ

"And so, in the symbolic language of ancient myth, our incarnate existence is a struggle between the undeniable fact of our imprisonment in the underworld kingdom of Saturn, the tyrannical lord of time who devours his children and turns them to dust by his inexorable turnings,  and the equally undeniable fact of our internal Christ-like nature, this "Horus principle" or "Christ consciousness" within, which urges us to transcend this underworld existence, and tells us that this earthly prison is not ultimately our true home. However, in order to rise up like Horus, we must first descend into the realm of Osiris: in order to become a Christ, we must descend into the kingdom of Saturn. " David Mathisen

So can we say when we look into the battle of Sobek and Horus we are seeing the battle of good vs evil, Satan vs Christ. Again 21st century eyes. We have been encouraged our whole lives to look at the world as a battle between Heroes and Villains, and you must take that programing into consideration. I feel that if current trends continue we will soon be witnessing an age of  happy medicated autistic adults and humanoid robots locked in battle with reptilian satanist alligators.  Wait I'm not sure who's side the robots are on.
  So Husband asks me "Do you believe there is a Devil?"And to my surprise I can't even answer. An other-worldy other-dimensional source of evil? There seems to be some in our hearts, but I've never really seen, you know, solid evidence. Except that one time, when I was riding my bike late and there was that being that looked like a man made out of  the blackness of space. Who knows what that was, but it had the bad  feeling of being from somewhere else. There seem to be centers of evil on this earth, Hollywood is one, London is another. Not all evil those towns, but in parts you know there's soul killing stuff that goes on. Probably there's nothing more evil on earth than the people who hurt children. And I wonder how that stands. I guess if the devil were in charge of time.

Back to the painting, oh I'm so obsessed! It is exciting to me to try and paint Time. Its like trying to paint the Wind.
Will it ever be finished!?
Time will tell.

Alanis Morissette - Thank U (Official Music Video)

The day before Halloween, our neighbor put some large plastic decorations out for pick-up, attractively piled at the curb, a kid magnet. #1 Daughter was home sick from school and we watched from the kitchen as #1 son and his rowdy gang of scooter hooligans had an epic play on the driveway with them. I have been providing the kids with toy weapons, plastic swords, a cloth indiana jones whip, play tools that can be used as laser guns, a light sabre. They have these epic battles, but on the day before Halloween it transcended into performance art. Whether setting up Mrs.Claus, to be shot execution style by the large silver tomato shooting bazooka from #1 Sons Foodfight costume or the littlest boy with the limp carrying the plastic North Pole sign on his back ready to bonk someone with, it was pure street theater. #1 Son is paddling the large half pumpkin around like a boat. We were laughing so hard. It was a little crazy but so lively, I just couldn't bring myself to reign them in.

On Halloween, for once I stayed home and let the man take the kids out trick or treating. It was so odd to be at home. Daughter #1 had made a miraculous recovery.I only got about eight kids coming to the door. I was watching some ghost hunters show, when suddenly the phone rang. it sounded like a tragedy. I could hear children wailing...
 "Come get us!"
"What why, whats going on?"
It's raining!
What it's raining?
I am so unused to the sound of rain these days.
"Where are you?"
"Right around the corner!"
"I'll be right there."
I run outside in bare feet. It was pouring. Like it hadn't rained in months and we are in the middle of this horrible drought. It was coming down so hard. When I pulled up in the wagon, #1 son and his young friends were wailing like it was the end of the world.

Roxy Music - Angel Eyes

I just finished reading Kerouac's Desolation Angels. I read On the Road so long ago, when I was young. This book finds him feeling his age. Doing a two month fire-lookout stint on a remote mountain in Washington State, he idealizes his friends and the pleasures of the city. He has the  cosmic revelations of a hermit. He comes down from the mountain and travels through the world, Seattle, San Francisco, Mexico City, London, Tangiers, Berkeley, Florida. In the beginning so wide eyed, and in the end so world weary. I'm fascinated right now, with reading books about people in the middle of their lives.

He saw the big sad invisible wings on every shoulder.

I grew up in the angels.
Or El Pueblo de Nuesra Senora la Riena de los Angeles de Porciuncula.
Sometimes I thought it was lost angels.

It was about the roads, the lights and the sea. I remember best the Coast Highway at night on the edge of all that blackness. The crashing Pacific with lights shining off it from underneath houses and restaurants all perched on the edge of the serpentine.

I don't care for artistic depictions of angels much when they are women with fluffy white swan wings. You may love them and that's fine, but to me there's something airy and annoying about them. The Temperance card in tarot is usually depicted as a women with wings, although she is a virtue and not an angel.

 I like the angel called Michael. He is a fighter and defender of the people Here's the statue of Archangel Michael, the patron saint of Kiev, Ukraine. May peace reign This book is about him too:

                         Michael Valentine Smith, the man from Mars,"was in no hurry- he grokked that Eternity
                                         and the ever-beautifully-changing Now, were identical. "

But what I really want to tell you about angels is what I want to tell you about man. I'm thinking about this quote from the Zealator by Mark Hedsel. I know I'm at risk of seeming like a Mark Hedsel groupie, because I keep mentioning the Zealator. Maybe it was all the artifacts or all those footnotes but that was one thought provoking book. He also has a lot of info on eclipses and alchemy. Here is his take on the differences between man and angel;

"Man is not an angel, yet he has knowledge based on the experience of the earth which is beyond the understanding of angels. Man understands about the lower depths, about the Earth plane to which he plunged so long ago and which has remained permanently inaccessible to the angels who do not have the material bodies to explore it's depths. Just as man cannot see the peloromic light (the great spiritual light of the numinal world) which is perpetually before the gaze off the angels, the angels themselves cannot see the dense materiality that is before the gaze of man. If the sacred lore is correct we must ask, what is it that man and angels have in common?"....."Developed almost to perfection in the angels is love. Love is scarcely developed at all in man and is confused with many entities that spring from the realm of desire. Unlike the angels, man has not been bequeathed with the gift of pure love: to develop further, human beings must so perfect themselves as to learn to love unconditionally and to love without desire." "Mankind has been offered an extraordinary destiny of becoming greater than the angels. The great sacrifice behind the descent of the Efflux is the way-of-the birth which is man's own initiatory way of birth into the Future."

 These are the words I didn't know in this text:

noun: efflux

1. the flowing out of a particular substance or particle.

   • material flowing out.
   • another term for effluxion (sense 1).
     

      Pleroma (Greek πλήρωμα) generally refers to the totality of divine powers. The word means fullness from π
     
     And NUMINAL ,From the Latin numen (“divine will, god”), from -nuere (“to nod”).
     

     numinal (comparative more numinal, superlative most numinal)

     1. divine

I still like learning new words, and I like thinking about this new job opportunity for man. I'm thinking that in this paradigm, the angels were never thrown out of the garden as man is said to have been. They never see the clutter and the stuff of the material world, only the alive things and numinal light.

I had ten kids playing in addition to A & E after school today. Some of them really want to to play computer games but the key is to distract them. The favorite game right now is ninja pirates and plastic swords and lightsaber/nerf gun. The also like legos, plastic animals, playing kick ball, throwing frisbees on the roof, and digging in the dirt. Children play and play, and I'm happy. They are having a childhood very similar to what I had growing up although Lompoc is very different than Malibu.

There aren't many good songs about angels except for Angel Eyes by Roxy Music. The video is like an awkward prom date in the eighties, when your date is very stoned. So cheesy that it transcends the form and is numinal. So angelic it is cheese.




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You can have a tarot reading too.

http://www.housewivestarot.com/ 
This may be my next deck, pretty perfect.

Attacked by Porno Pirates

Yes, my blog was attacked by porno pirates. So I just erased it. It was a lot of writing, but it was linking to some UK porn site, I guess from the two personal pictures I had on there, one in a dress and one in a bathing suit (from far away) . Stupid to put pictures on the internet. So porn culture...I really don't give a fuck what people look at in their spare time, but the thing about porn is, it reduces people into body parts. The body without the soul is not of much interest to me. When you can look at someone and see the whole from the outside, and hear their words, see the play of expression across their features, sigh, well that's very complicated and sexy, isn't it? Boom. I had that experience in the Bay Area recently when I got to be around, seven people I dearly love. I know you're thinking wow that many? not bad for a loner... I felt a wrenching feeling as I drove away, and I had to actually visualize kind of stabbing myself in the chest, specifically my heart, a few times, and this somehow made it alright to go home to three more people I dearly love.  I think that if I just take turns hanging with the people I love I could be happy for the rest of my life. Its a growing list, the people that I love, but let me clarify for most, not in a porno way, avast thee mate!

I'm trying to figure out something I'm reading so please indulge. Another book stolen from Mom's library, that my brother sent her from the UK, valuable to me because you can get different books there. This one is The Zelator by Mark Hedsel. So esoteric and thick you can cut it with a knife. This book says people are like seven layer dip, that's like beans, guacamole, sour cream, lettuce, chips, um gummy bears, uh two more, cheese! and olives, yeah. Some seven food layers, whatever you choose... 

But the seven layers or bodies of man actually are;

1. The Physical, of course and that's the only one that's visible. The animal, its beautiful, I'm seriously not down with the idea that animals or bodies are less than spiritual. It's here until your dead, maintained by the activity of your cells, and is steeped in the

2. The Etheric body. You can see etheric energies in plants and trees, its verdant, vegetablis green kingdom essence. "The Etheric is symbolized by a flowering plant and is composed of the four ethers.  http://www.dynamisch.nu/feno/english/e3pheno8.html

3. The Ego,  the sacred self which drives the will. The self concious self, the strange loop, the mind "Like the goddess Venus, the Ego is attended by three Graces, a triad of Spirtual beings who weave a stately dance around her...the Atman, Buddhi, and Manas."

4. The Atman, that's your soul baby.

5.The Budhi, it means awakened, the part that sees past the duality, the intellect that is capable of understanding the truth
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6. The Manas, the vibrations, the seeds of music. For physics interpretation see string theory, how everything in the universe is playing.

7. The Astral body, a subtle body of emotions. The astral body flies an astral plane, mainly on the astral plain. http://youtu.be/OjhNyMo5qLY

These light bodies also cast a shadow, which is Karma, or dark matter, that accumulates over lifetimes. Speaking of which, the guy who wrote this book does that thing I can't understand, that I've noticed spiritual teachers do sometimes, is to completely disdain sex. I can't figure out why the ineffable would  bother make sex feel so good and yet at the same time consider it base and unworthy of enlightened humans. It doesn't make sense. There are hair-raising reproductions in this book of Mediaeval wood engravings of libertines having their private parts attacked by frogs and snakes, which I guess means attended by demons. Then sex isn't like praying, but more like preying That's all messed up, but maybe that's what those porno pirates are up to. 

"Un moine et un boucher se disputaient l'intérieur de chaque désir" Cioran